Coffee Break

S3E7: Self-Care and Self-Compassion Even When Stuck At Home

• Dianne Whitford • Season 3 • Episode 7

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Even in the best of times, self-care and self-compassion are so very important. In these times, it becomes even more critical to safeguard your mental and physical wellbeing. Even though you may be locked down right now, there are things you can do to do your self-care even when stuck at home.

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Dianne:

Hi everybody! It is Dianne Whitford with Coffee, Grit and inspiration. And this is your weekly Coffee Break podcast where we are making personal development accessible one episode at a time. This week I got my mask factory up and running. I am a quilter. I do some quilting but I haven't for a while and I have a whole stash of quilting supplies which I was able to repurpose. A few weeks ago, I talked about that I was making masks for my husband and my son and their coworkers and I've started making some additional ones for some of my coworkers and other folks that didn't have any. So I'm excited about that. You c ould probably see it a little bit in the background, for those watching the video anyway. And that has been really fulfilling and it's been kind of a creative process. What I like about it is I can focus on doing that and not be focusing quite so much on all the craziness that's happening right now. The reason this is relevant for today is because I wanted to talk a little bit about self compassion and self care, especially in crazy, crazy upside down stressful times like we're having right now. So we did a, we did a theme a while back on the blog around self-compassion, which is the practice of being as kind to yourself as you are to other people. So has a lot to do with self-talk, how you treat yourself, the things you say to yourself, whether or not you forgive yourself, things like that. Self care is some of those things that you do to treat yourself that you do to make yourself feel a little better or make yourself feel valued or cared for. And those two things are important all the time. I don't think this is something that you only do in a time of crisis like we're experiencing right now. Those two things are important all the time, but during a crazy and frightening time, like what we're experiencing right now, they become extra important. Today I wanted to talk a little bit about why that is and then give some ideas on things that I found around the web and some of the stuff that I'm doing myself to kind of bring...both bring a little sense of normalcy into my life, treat myself a little bit more kindly and give myself a break from all of the pandemic hyper-awareness that I've been finding myself sort of addicted to lately. You know, there's so much coming at you from so many different sides and you've got, you know, worried about financial stress and family stress and health and your health and your family's health and your pet's health and whether you, whether you have a job, whether you're not going to have a job, what are you going to do if you lose your job? What are you going to do if you get sick? What are you going to do if your husband gets sick? When are you going to do if your family gets sick? All of that stuff is so overwhelming and it, uh, I don't know about you guys, but for me it can really feel like there's some days where I can't think about anything else and they just run... It just runs through my mind, all the worst case scenarios you could possibly imagine, run through my mind until I can't...I just have a really hard time dealing with it. And it's during those times, especially, that taking a break and doing something that helps me feel cared for, helps me feel taken care of, helps improve my, my mental wellbeing becomes even more important. So, you know, this is, this is a scary time. This is a scary time I think for everybody. Even those that, um, you know, there's, there's folks that feel like the lockdown is an infringement of your rights and that's a scary thing when you think about your rights as a human or your rights as an American or a whatever country you belong to, your rights are being infringed on. And then there's others that are scared because, you know, going outside makes them nervous. The fear of getting sick and all of that stuff. And these are...however you're feeling right now is a valid way to feel. Um, I'm not going to get into the politics of protesting lockdowns or anything like that. All I'm saying is you feel what you feel and dealing with those emotions and doing it in a way that is constructive and that will help you get over the emotions or whatever bad feelings that you're feeling, help you deal with them in a more effective way is important. And it's something that you should focus on. So I talked about, you know, all the stressors that we feel, health, jobs, finances, when this will end, whether it'll end, what the world will look like when it, after it ends, you know, all of those things can be so overwhelming. And if, if I'm not careful, and I don't know if the same is true for you guys, but if I'm not careful, all of that stuff can make me lash out. You know, when I get stressed or when I'm angry, tired, sad, depressed, whatever it is, I sometimes tend to lash out and sometimes the person I lash out at is me. You know, I blame myself for things that aren't my fault. I make a mistake and it seems to me like it's the biggest mistake that anybody ever in the history of ever made and that I, you know, it's going to be in the end of the world and, and everything seems so magnified and bad right now that I think I sometimes I end up coming out worse. Because of the way I treat myself than the way anybody or anything is treating me. And so, uh, that's where self-compassion is so important that it's even more important right now to give yourself a little bit of a break and be kind. You wouldn't tell, you know...something that I tell myself that I catch myself saying just even as a off the cuff, you know, casual, which makes that even worse, right? That I'm so casual about hurting myself emotionally, saying mean things to myself. I'll say,"that was dumb. You're so stupid. Why would you be so stupid? Why would you say something so stupid? Why couldn't you get that right? Why didn't you do that correctly?" Uh, thinking like that and saying things like that to myself is...number one, it's not constructive. It doesn't help me be a better person. It doesn't help me do anything better. It doesn't help me fix whatever wrong and worse, I wouldn't say that to somebody else. I would never tell a coworker or my mom or my best friend or my son or my husband. I would never tell them,"you're so stupid. Why didn't you do that right?" Why? I would never say that to them. Why would I say that to myself? Why do I say that to myself? It's because it's easier and there's nobody to stop me other than me to talk to myself like that and it makes me feel better to lash out sometimes. You know? I don't know if you guys feel that same way, but that's what I find going through my mind a lot of times is it's easier to be mean to me because I'm not really hurting anybody but me. Sometimes that makes it feel better, but not really. And, and the, the harm that I'm doing by talking to myself that way, it harms my confidence, my self esteem, my self-assurance, my belief in my ability to get things done. All of that stuff suffers when I talk to myself that way. And that damage is long- term. That's not just something that I'm going to experience for now until I get over it. That damage is long-term. So self-compassion, super important all the time. And especially in a time like this, just go a little easier on yourself. It doesn't mean don't hold yourself accountable. It doesn't mean don't meet your commitments. It just means give yourself a little bit of a break and try to be nice to yourself. Try to be as nice to yourself and as kind to yourself as you might be to the person standing next to you or someone that you love. And that goes without saying that you should love yourself. So in addition to struggling a little bit with self-compassion, sometimes I also struggle with self care. And that's the little things that you do to kind of improve your, your mental and physical wellbeing. So one of my favorite things to do before COVID, of course, was to go for a pedicure or maybe go get some shopping or go get my hair done, which as you can see for those watching the video...I, like many, many, many other people in America right now, and in the world maybe, have not visited a hairstylist for some time. And so my roots are growing in and that can be depressing, especially when I see myself in the mirror and I just, you know, it's just one of those things where you don't, you don't necessarily miss it as bad until you can't do it anymore. But things like that, going and getting my hair done, going and get a massage, maybe I'm doing a little bit of shopping. All of that stuff is stuff that I would also consider part of self care. But I can't do it right now. And so I have to look for ways that I can do that. Self care stuff that kinda treating myself to something nice. But do it from home and figure out a way that I can do it in a socially distanced way. What I like about self care is that, you know, you're not relying on somebody else to take care of you. That's one cool thing. But you're also able to give yourself that kind of cared-for feeling. You know, like it's always very special, very, very special when somebody else brings you some flowers or when they do something nice for you and whatever. And I'm not discounting that, but it is also nice and you can get a similar feeling when you do something like that for yourself. Buy yourself flowers, for no reason. Just buy them, give yourself a pedicure, you know, take some time out for the day, do some online shopping. All of that kind of stuff is self care, I think, because it makes me feel cared for and it's something I can do for myself. Now. In all, in all fairness, I don't have any little kids running around. My son is old enough to kind of manage himself. My husband, uh, also manages himself. I have some pets. Um, but, but I don't have a bunch of small kids running around. I don't have other family members that I'm taking care of. And even so, it's still hard. It's still difficult for me to set aside the time to do that self care. Sometimes. It is, it is tough to prioritize that time. I can't imagine how difficult it is for those of you out there that have young kids or people that you're taking care of in addition to trying to get, you know, trying to keep yourself together, having to also keep other people together. And that, uh, I've been there before in my life. I'm not there now, but I have been there before and it is hard. It is so hard. And if it's hard for me when I don't have those kinds of responsibilities right now, I can't imagine how difficult it is for those of you that do. All that being said, it is so important that we still do it. Even if it's just a couple minutes here and there as you can find the time. I think what makes it tough is that no one is gonna do it for us, right? No one is going to come in and wave a magic wand and take away our responsibilities for a couple of hours and say, here you go, you, you just take this as self care time and I'll just hold everything else. I mean, maybe, maybe we do have spouses that can do that for us for a couple of hours. And that...if so, that's fantastic. But that may not always be the case. And so it's left to us to find the time, save it, preserve it, protect it, and use it to take care of ourselves. And we have to. We have to, especially in times like these, I mean, there is no getting around the fact that we... even though I don't have kids, I still have commitments to other people. I have commitments to my employer to show up for work. I have commitments to my husband, to my son. If you have small kids, you have commitments to your kids, you have commitments to your pets, you have commitments to your family members. All of that stuff. And, and it, there's no getting around that, that because we're human and we know people that we have those kinds of commitments. We have to take the commitments we make to ourselves as seriously as we take the commitments we make to other people and taking care of ourselves. Doing self care needs to be a commitment that we make to ourselves. One of the things my company says that I really believe in is we have to care for ourselves so that we can care for others. And it's true, it's true. You can't care for other people if you're not caring for yourself. That's true physically and it's true mentally. So some of the things that I like to do for self care, when I'm being good about doing my self care, which I'm trying to get better at it and I think I am improving. There's a few different that I like to do. Not all of these might be things that you enjoy. For example, I like to read, I don't know that everybody does like to read. Uh, but that is something I do. Doesn't have to be something you do. I put in the description, there'll be a list of 102 things that, uh, I found in one site that a lot of it sounded really interesting and I might expand some of my self care ideas based on that list. Um, I'll put a couple other lists, links, links, links that have lists. Of other things that you can do. And then if there's anything else you can think of, if you're reading this on the blog, you want to throw some stuff in comments. If you want to send me an email with some thoughts, if you're wanting to join the Facebook group and throw something out there, that would be fantastic. I would love to, as you know, hopefully you know by now I would love to hear from you. Love to hear what you have to say. So just let me know. So some of the stuff that I like to do, I'm probably the one that leaves me feeling the most, the best. The, the most de-stressed is yoga. And I'm not great at yoga. And I don't do yoga every single morning. I kind of wish I did, but I, I don't. But when I do, there's something about the calming, the calming movements, the kind of not thinking about a whole lot of other things and the physical stretching and releasing of tension that just makes me feel better. I feel super...like my wellbeing. I just feel great after doing some yoga. And you can do a good enough workout for that kind of effect in like 15 minutes or even less. There's also chair yoga. My sister, if she's listening, I don't know, but uh, my sister told me about chair yoga that you can do as well. And I haven't tried that yet, but apparently that's something you can do maybe while you're at your desk at work or on a lunch break or even just to take a quick break in the middle of the day and do a little bit of that as well. So yoga definitely. Meditation is another one. I know it kinda sounds new agey and maybe not your thing, but try, maybe, one day just, uh, putting your feet flat on the floor and put your hands in your lap or wherever it's comfortable. Close your eyes and just sit for two minutes and try not to think about all the things stressing you out. Try not to think about, you know, what you haven't done yet or try not to be mean to yourself during that time and just sit. And my...I've experienced this a couple of times at work and in other situations, not just at work and other situations as well, and they call it a two minute sit, but it's, uh, it's a really effective way to just kind of reset, you know, and you don't have to have any, anything specific that you're thinking about. You don't have to imagine that you're a balloon floating in the air or anything like that. Just try not to think about the things that stress you out and just let yourself be for two minutes. And that is a gift that you give to yourself. I'm telling you what, when you sit there and give yourself permission to just be sitting there doing nothing for 2 minutes, doesn't take very long. It is a gift that you're giving yourself. And I would definitely encourage you try that. And you can certainly do that a couple of times a day. Um, and that only takes two minutes a pop, not a whole lot of time. Another thing, uh, I started a few years ago really trying hard to stop biting my nails. I've been a nail biter for most of my life and I've been trying, with varying degrees of success, to stop biting my nails. And so one of the things that I really enjoy doing now is giving myself a manicure. And my nails aren't always long enough to really do a manicure or have it look very good. But the practice of doing it for me is very soothing. So, um, whether it just means I'm shaping them with a file and putting some lotion and oil on them, or if I'm actually doing nail polish and whatever, uh, just the practice of doing that. And that's something I can do while I'm on the phone, uh, having a conference call if I'm not taking notes or whatever. Um, uh, so just a little something that I can do that helps me feel, it helps me feel prettier. It helps me feel a little bit more groomed and put together. And especially when I'm not leaving the house very often. That can be a little bit of a mood lifter. And the same with pedicures. So I used to go, before the pandemic, I would go get pedicures a couple times a week. No, not a couple of times a week, sorry. A couple of times a month. I would go get pedicures usually with a friend or my sister. And that was not only a good way to bond with them, but also a way to take care of myself. And I can't do that right now. So I've been practicing giving myself pedicures. So they're not as great as what I would get in a salon. But, uh, it does make me feel good. It's always worth it when I do it myself because I always feel better afterwards. Um, so that's another thing that I like to do. Another thing that I don't have any trouble doing because it's one of my favorite things is reading, read a book. Preferably for me anyway, preferably something fantasy. That way. It's nothing like what I'm experiencing in real life right now. It's completely different. It's, uh, I can escape into it for a little while and that's what I really like about reading and, especially reading fantasy books,, is it's a way to get out a way to get away from everything that's coming at you, even if it's just for a little while. Even it's just for 20, 30 minutes it's, it's a, it's a way to get out of your head and into a different world. And then lastly, and this one is tough because when I'm stressed, I can't sleep. But getting enough sleep, having enough sleep helps you deal with stress better. It helps you have more patience. It helps you be nicer. It helps with a number of things. It's also makes your body healthier. Getting enough sleep is an important self care thing. And I know that it's tough, especially when we're stressed, when we're having trouble. It can be hard to sleep, you know, maybe a glass of wine before bed or doing a routine that kind of helps your body get into that"okay, it's time for bed" mode. You know, being consistent about when you go to sleep and when you wake up so that your body knows that at, you know, nine or 10 or whenever it is that you go to bed, that it's time to go to bed, it's time to get tired. It's time to go to sleep. That can be important. I know it's hard, especially when you have kids, especially when you already have trouble sleeping, when you're already stressed out. But I would say if there's one thing that you focus on, if you're not getting enough sleep right now, if there's only one thing that you focus on as a result of this podcast, have it be, do what you can to get enough sleep. So anyway, those are just a few of the things that I do personally. I would love to hear anything that I didn't talk about that you guys swear by or, if you want to check out the article, I will link that in the description. I'll put a couple of the resources there as well. I hope that everybody is staying healthy and safe and well in both your body and your heart. And your mind. All three things are equally important. Heart, mind, and body, and just take care of them. Take care of yourself. Be well. I'll talk to you next week. Bye now.